Good morning to the great Tyger Populace!
In several discussions this past weekend, and several from prior, I feel it necessary to remind the populace of some important things. This may be long, but I need each and every member of the populace to read work on being better.
Asking for consent and respecting body autonomy is not an “optional” thing to do in this Kingdom, much less the Society.
What is Consent?
Consent is the agreement between two people, regardless of age, to engage in a particular activity. Whether this activity is touching, hugging, or entering a list field, consent of both parties is required. If one person does not agree, the activity does not occur.
The person seeking consent does not get the right to assume lesser consent for something else. What do I mean by this? Here is an example:
Person A: Hey, good to see you! Are we hugging?
Person B: Not today, thank you.
Person A: *gives a side squeeze instead*
This is not acceptable behavior for any of our populace. The side squeeze still requires consent. This same example can go a similar way which grants consent from both parties:
Person A: Hey, good to see you! Are we hugging?
Person B: Not today, thank you.
Person A: Of course, you’re welcome. Fistbump instead?
Person B: Absolutely.
This is a much better interaction for all parties.
Asking for consent applies to all kinds of touch. Whether you are seeking a hug, a fistbump, or to touch someone’s hair or garb, you must obtain consent.
There is no such thing as “implied consent.” Just because two people have been friends forever, does not mean consent is granted eternally. Just because someone is a Royal, or on the Royal Entourage, does not grant you permission to touch them. This is something I am constantly working on. Both in granting consent eternally such as “oh you are always welcome to hug me” and remembering that consent is not implied. We are all works in progress, and no one is perfect.
I recognize direct communication is hard for some of us. Myself included. That doesn’t mean we have an out to just say “oh that’s just how I am.” Everyone should feel they are able to say “No, thank you.” without fear of recourse. We should also take that course correction. As adults, people should be able to internalize this information and improve behavior. Will we be perfect every time? No. But we will try.
As this relates to the youth of our populace, they absolutely have the same rights to consent to body autonomy and touch as everyone else. If a youth says “No thank you” to touch, we are not granted consent by virtue of being older or an adult. This is not up for debate.
I care deeply for each and every one of you, and want everyone to feel safe, supported, and encouraged to participate in our hobby.
So from your Tyger Mom, people of the East, please be better about this.
In Service,
Magistra Audrye Beneyt
East Kingdom Seneschal